


Red roses

by CanineGalactic



Category: South Park
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 05:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16591958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanineGalactic/pseuds/CanineGalactic
Summary: Comparing your unresolved love for your best friend to roses may seem a bit cliched, but to Stan it seemed perfect. The red hair, his sweet scent, the beauty that radiates off of him. Stan has it bad. But is a broken heart stronger than the love for another? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about anything. As his life spirals out of control and he learns things about himself that leaves him feeling empty and he finally reaches his breaking point. Who will be there to hold his hand and kiss away the bruises when it all comes crashing down?





	Red roses

Chapter one: A Rose’s thorn worry’s not who it pricks

***

The room was engulfed in darkness as four boys lay still in their sleep. All for one boy whose mind was heavy with troubling thoughts. Stan lay on his back staring up at his ceiling, contemplating. He shut his eyes tight and opened them, waiting for them to readjust to the dark; a trick he had learned to keep himself occupied from what was stirring within his depths. He turned to his side looking down at the edge of his bed, studying the figures sleeping on the floor, carefully cocooned within their warm spaces.

Lying closest to him was Kenny, though not the closest or the bests of friends, but easily second on his list. He's always stuck by him no matter what and so did Stan with him. Kenny came from a difficult home that the boys hardly ever spoke about. Not because they didn’t want to, but it always struck a chord with in Kenny that Stan can sense as hurt and discomfort, so the boys made a silent deal not to bring it up. He and Kyle at least.

Just next to Kenny was Cartman, the one kid in their friend group that absolutely no one liked. Why they still invited him to their get togethers all these years was beyond him. Maybe it was nostalgia's sake like a desperate attempt to keep the gang together so it felt like the good ol’ days. Or maybe it was because he was always willing to pay for everything when they couldn't, if not to show off his mother's wealth and to rub it in their faces. Cartman snored obnoxiously, his body spread out like a pig rolling in filth. Stan chuckled softly to himself. Well at least he was good for entertainment from time to time even if he was utterly obnoxious.

Stan turned to his other side and his heart started to flutter. Just barely inches away was a boy who never failed to make Stan want to sing and weep at the same time. The one boy he loved the most from his entire friend group. Ever since elementary school his feelings for Kyle had blossomed in his core like a bush of roses reaching up into his throat leaving a sweet, flowery taste on his tongue. He would never tell him though, about his crush. He wouldn't dare. He couldn't risk ending their friendship over something as fickle as a childhood infatuation. Besides as far as Stan knew Kyle was straight. Not like he was dating anyone. It's as if he had no interest or concerns about those kinds of things. Though Stan had figured that if he were batting for the other team he would have told him so. They tell each other everything. It's one of the many things that made their bond so much stronger.

Kyle was facing him, his breath hot on Stan's face which made him fluster. Though he was positive no one could see; he hid his blushed face among his palms and felt the petals in his heart drifting through his stomach as an eerie, but comforting breeze blew through his abdomen. He turned on his back once more and started contemplating again. He thought about life. Where he was going, what he was doing and especially how it would involve Kyle. It won't be too many years until they were done with high school and he and Kyle could ditch this wretched town like they've always spoken about. They had everything planned out ever since they were kids. Go to the same college, share a room maybe even adopt a bunny that they would hide in their closet. Everything seemed so ideal. But even though Stan Marsh was a dreamer he more often than not had his moments where he had his feet planted firmly in to the ground as if he was a tree trying desperately to reach his branches to the highest part of the heavens, but he realised even the stoutest of trees don't always reach the sky as high as they would like. He had the sudden revelation that maybe dreams aren't always a reality. Your mind and the real world don't always connect and it made him worry. There was a chance that Kyle might get in to a better college than him and his parents would make him go. He'd want him to go of course. Whatever was best for him. That's all he wanted. Even if it did hurt a whole lot. Feeling sick to his core Stan scrunched up his nose and sat up, running a hand through his hair. He gave a deep sigh that sprouted from his lungs and into the dark air.

He felt something beside him stir which startled him for a bit.

"Stan?"

Kyle started to move under the covers, blankets elegantly sliding off of his body.  

He sat up and started to rub the imminent sleep from his eyes as he stifled a yawn.

"Why aren't you asleep, man?"

Stan smiled. He couldn't see much because of the dark, but he knew exactly what was blossoming in front of him. Messy red curls and emerald eyes that looked straight through his cornea and reached to the depths of his macula staring straight through to the deepest, most vulnerable part of his soul. The image was so radiant that Stan could swear the boy's skin was glowing through the deathly night.

"I dunno. Guess I just have a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

Stan turned away, thinking. He tucked his knees under him and rested his chin on his arms.

_Tell him_

"It's nothing."

_Coward_

Kyle just nodded his head not completely convinced, but it was late and he was sure neither he nor Stan was really in the mood to talk about their feelings. He'll tell him eventually if it's really bothersome. So instead he placed a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder. Stan felt the heat of Kyle's hand through his shirt and refrained from shivering. It was migating. It made Stan feel safe. Over the years Kyle had grown much taller than him even his hands seemed huge compared to his own. Though both of them had given up on sports years ago, Kyle was still pretty strong from his days as a basketball player so he was quite robust. Just what Stan needed. Like the stem of a flower propping up its petals so effortlessly.  

Flowers. It's what he always thought of when Kyle lingers in his mind. Specifically roses. He was vibrant and beautiful with a sweet scent, though difficult to hold as his sharp exterior pricks supple skin. But if handled with care he had so much to offer. Stan had read somewhere in Greek mythology that the rose was often associated with Aphrodite, Goddess of love. A rose bush had grown in the spilled blood of her slain lover and apparently the rose symbolized an immortal love, or a union that would never fade. Ever since he had learned that he started associating it with Kyle. In a way it was equally as tragic. His lover being his friend and the blood being a symbol of what could be if he had the courage to deal with the thorns and confess his feelings.

Stan shook his head and looked back at Kyle.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No...yah...maybe just a little." he laughed. "But it’s fine sleeping at a sleepover is pretty lame anyway." Stan didn't think it was lame. He enjoyed Kyle's company even if it was his peaceful demeanour lying next to him. Still, was relaxing. Made him know everything was alright in his life.

"Yah. We had so much life when we were kids. We could stay up the entire night, no problem. Now as adults it's getting a little harder." Stan chuckled.

Kyle couldn't help, but scoff. Playfully hitting Stan on the shoulder

"What are you talking about we're _still_ kids!"

"We're seventeen, dude."

"Exactly! Technically not even adults yet."

He had a point. Although they weren't still in elementary school they were still young. They had so much ahead of them. So much life to live. Together.

Stan's thoughts trailed off once again and he looked away, furrowing his brows as he started to think. Typical of him. He'd always be caught doing it whenever he's daydreaming or doing some contemplation.

Kyle picked up on this and started expressing worry on his face. He pressed a gentle hand on to Stan's back rubbing it lightly. This brought Stan back to reality and he turned to Kyle.

"Stan, are you sure you're alright? You seem kinda spacey tonight."

Stan looked at his best friend, frowning.

_Tell him_

He smiled and laughed "Aaw, Kyle is worried about his SBF. How sweet."

_What's wrong with you?_

Kyle scoffed, but bubbled out a laugh not too loud to wake the others, but sweet enough to ease the ringing in Stan's ears.

"You asshole! Of course I'm worried about you! I care about you, dude."

Stan felt his ears become hot as he blushed. He felt so warm as if his body could melt in to the soil effortlessly. Though thank God he did not have to worry about hiding it. He doubt Kyle could see very well in the dark. No better than he could at least. Kyle's hand was still on this back though it had slid lower closer to his hips. He took in the feeling of his touch. It was in no way sexual although it did trigger a range of unexplored emotions he had yet to open up. To him it was more security. Comfort. Knowing someone was there for him. It made him feel stable as if his roots was firmly planted in to the ground. Sure he couldn't move very far, but why would he want to. He had everything he needed.

Well maybe not everything. But what he thought was good enough.

Stan smiled once again, thinking he should return the sentiment.

"I care about you too."  He wanted so desperately to hug him, but it wouldn't feel appropriate so instead he swallowed the feeling like the bitter nectar of Nightshade.

Kyle smiled back at him. He looked over at Kenny and Cartman before smiling like a naughty kid. He leaned closer to Stan, his lips just barely touching his ear. Stan shivered, but kept his composure. He listened intently as Kyle whispered in his ear.

"You know what will make you feel better?"

"What?"

Kyle gave him a knowing smile eying his bedside table. It didn't take Stan very long to click what his friend was talking about and smiled. He quietly reached over to his drawer and opened it, removing a small bag. He opened the bag and took a quick whiff of its scent. It was bitter and potent. Though weed wasn't exactly known for its flowery scent. He handed over to Kyle to take a sniff who happily complied.

"Shit that's so strong!"

"That's how you know it's good." He winked at Kyle though it got lost in the dark.

"You wanna head downstairs and light one?"

Stan nodded and slid off the bed, carefully tip toeing around the other boys. Kenny would be upset if he knew they smoked without him, but he was sound asleep and neither of the boys wanted to wake him. Besides as selfish as it may sound Stan wanted to spend some time alone with Kyle. For reasons he's too ashamed to admit to.

They pulled on their jackets and a pair of sweatpants, slipped in to their shoes and as quiet as two mice avoiding the sight of a prowling owl they sneaked down the stairs. The tv was still on, but no one was awake. Randy had passed out on the couch again empty beer cans stacked on the coffee table. Stan stopped to take in the site and couldn't help, but feel a deep emotion bubble up inside of him. He felt an emotion when he saw his dad in this state equally as powerful as what he feels when he sees Kyle, but completely the opposite. Though he has never quite put his finger on it. He figured he would think of something once it comes to him. He felt Kyle gently tug him by the arm and Stan looked up at him. Kyle pointed his head to the direction of the kitchen and Stan just nodded. As Kyle silently lead him away Stan couldn't help, but take one finale look over his shoulder before disappearing in to the cold night. They closed the back door behind them and sat down on the porch. The air was fragrant. His mother always worked in the garden and he started helping her more and more these days. They made critically sure that everything was vibrant and healthy. It was hard to see it at night, but during the day this garden was beautiful. Especially the roses. The red stuck so perfectly to the petals as if it were painted with the blood of a God. The roses were his favourite. For obvious reasons.

Stan started digging in his pants pocket, his hand slipping by his packet of Chesterfield and straight to the bright red lighter. He took it out and handed it to Kyle

"You wanna do the honors of taking the first puff?"

Kyle smiled at him and took the red lighter. He opened the bag and pulled out a blunt pre-rolled thanks to Stan thinking ahead of time. He brought the blunt to his lips and lit it, taking in a deep breath. Stan watched in awe as his lips wrapped around the filter. What it must be like to feel that very skin pressed against his own. He's thought about it more than he cares to admit. It looked soft as if it was made of the same organic material as flower petals. He dreams about touching them, trailing his finger from the one corner of his mouth to the other. He thought about the taste. Maybe like peppermint. Or basil.

Kyle held in his breath, closing his eyes as if he were concentrating. The smoke seeping in through his throat to his lungs making him feel warm. He exhaled the smoke drifting in to the night sky. He did it so smoothly as if he's done this so many times. Stan couldn't help but laugh. It's probably because they _do_ do it often. Always at Stan's house because Mrs. Broflovski would lose it if she found out while Stan's parents are more oblivious. Or they just don't care. Probably the latter.

Kyle looked at him with a grin, his eyes already a subtle red from his first drag. He's always been a bit of a lightweight.

"What you laughing at, Marsh?"

Stan just shook his head

"You look so cool when you do it. Like a professional."

Kyle started to snicker, the high starting to catch up to him.

"Cool? Are you saying drugs are cool?"

"You're cool and you do it, so I guess yeah drugs are cool. Speaking of which you going to hog that thing for yourself all night or you planning on sharing?" Kyle looked down at the joint in his hand. He took another puff before passing it to Stan.

They passed it back and forth until both had decided they had enough, the joint already burnt close to its filter. Stan put it out on a nearby rock making sure it was dead before putting it back in to its bag. It was going to taste stale the next time they smoked it, but honestly there's no point wasting it. He stuck the bag in his pants and pulled out his packet of cigarettes. He gingerly took out a single cigarette and placed it between his lips. He caught Kyle staring at him from the corner of his eye, deep in thought. He didn't think much of it. Maybe Kyle was just so high he was busy thinking. Or maybe Stan was just too high for his brain to really pick up on it that much. He shrugged it off. He lit the cigarette and rolled on to his back putting one arm behind his head. He took a puff, inhaled the smoke and exhaled it much like how he had practiced with the joint from earlier. He hummed

Kyle looked at him again. Every time he took a drag from the filter Kyle would eye him intently and then look away only to look back again. This was really odd behaviour even for high Kyle. Stan looked back at him cocking a brow

"What you looking at, dude? See something you like?" He joked though how he wished it was true.

Kyle snapped out of his daze and looked like he was more In touch with reality right now. He blinked slowly, feeling his eyelids grazing his skin. He grinned

"It’s just..." he trailed off "Never mind. Dude, shit I'm so high right now I don't know."

Stan chuckled before taking another drag, savouring the smoke.

"You want to lay down?"

Kyle stopped to think before nodding his head. Stan opened up his arm as Kyle scooted closer to him. He carefully laid down taking him a good few minutes to find enough stability to lower his body on to the floor as if time had stood still. Eventually Kyle's body settled on to the floor with ease as he rested his head on Stan's chest, draping and arm across his stomach as he started to play with the hem of Stan’s shirt. He nestled his face in to the material of Stan's shirt closing his eyes. If the world wasn't so slow and time none existent Stan could have sworn his heart was racing faster than a race horse, hooves beating against his chest with each sprint. He tried to steady his breathing as best as he could, but odds are Kyle probably wouldn't have even noticed.

Kyle is normally not a very touchy person. He likes his personal space and Stan has always respected that. But that was sober Kyle. High Kyle had no boundaries and adored being buried in someone's affection and Stan feeds in to it. Was it healthy? Probably not. Definitely not. But he couldn't help it. He always wondered if this is what Kyle would be like in a committed relationship. If he would be this affectionate. If he would open up more to the idea of being held or touched. He wouldn't know. He's never seen Kyle in a decent, committed relationship before to study him and draw a conclusion. He wonders why. He wonders why. He wonders why. It's as if his mind was echoing. It was loud. He didn't like that. He took another drag if anything, but to calm down his mind.

He lowered his face and was met with an unkempt wool of red hair that was soft against his skin. He inhaled through his nose taking in the scent of his hair. It smelled of honey and coconut. Stan remembers Kyle telling him about a trick he had learned to keep his hair soft. He would wash his hair with coconut oil. So that explains that part, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out where the scent of honey came from. He started thinking intensely. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. What was he thinking about? He looked up as if the answer would manifest in front of him. But he was lost. Not necessarily a bad kind of lost. A good lost. As if his mind was free to think. He pictured his brain walking through a barren landscape coated with pink walls and giggled to himself.

"What are you laughing about?" Kyle slurred out very slowly. It took them some time, but their eyes met. The stared intently at each other before another giggle escaped Stan's lips. He started laughing before proper bellowing as he threw his head back trying his best not to be too loud.

The corners of Kyle's mouth started to twitch before he as well soon busted out in to a fit of uncontrollable laughter. He held tightly on to Stan's shirt, clasping the material revealing half of his stomach.

Stan managed to calm himself down, still gasping for breath. He took a deep breath trying to withhold another fit of laughter.

Kyle managed to calm himself down as well, snickering in to Stan's shirt.

His hair tickled Stan's nose and he got the same familiar scent of honey again. He still couldn't quite place his finger on where it came from, but it was psychedelic almost. It made his mind wonder again. The warmth of Kyle spread across his body his weight pressing down against his chest and stomach. Kyle wasn't nearly as heavy, but his senses was heightened. If he concentrated hard enough he could feel Kyle's chest rising against his own. He thought about how that made him feel. Happy. Kyle made him happy. The opposite of what his dad made him feel in his drunken state. What was that word? He thought intensively furrowing his brows.

"Sad."

"What?" Kyle looked up at him. Stan started to sit up, forcing Kyle to roll off of him. He pulled his legs underneath himself and rested his chin on his knees

"What my dad makes me feel. It's sad."

The atmosphere suddenly turned grim his mind dwelling on things that made his stomach churn. Kyle sat up looking at him. He frowned and looked away.

"I'm sorry." Was all he could say. He and Stan have spoken about Randy before. It was a touchy subject that Kyle tried very hard not to bring up, but it's as if the drug had dug deep in to Stan's mind and dragged out the darkest parts of his sorrow.

"It's okay."

Kyle wrapped his arms around Stan and rested his chin on Stan's shoulder his nose pressed against his cheek. Stan could feel his breath on him once again and it was overwhelming, but in a good way. He leaned in to Kyle as if he was sinking in to him like morning dew in fresh soil. Kyle slowly started to lay down guiding Stan's body with him. Soon they were back on the wooden ground of the deck, eye level and staring intently in to each other's eyes. Kyle lifted his arm off of Stan and traced a finger down his cheek, stopping at the corner of his lips. Kyle's gaze left his eyes, but Stan couldn't quite pinpoint where he was staring.

"I..." Kyle started to speak which brought Stan back down to reality. Kyle's finger tapped against his skin.

"What is it?" Stan asked. Kyle looked back up in to his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead he left out a breathy laugh.

"Do you ever think about stuff? Weird stuff?"

"Like how weird?"

"Like...just stuff that make you happy, but also kind of uncomfortable at the same time? Like it feels right, but it also feels impossibly wrong."

"Yeah." Stan blurted out. "What's on your mind?"

"It's nothing, really. It's stupid actually." Kyle laughed it off pressing his cheek in to Stan's shoulder. But Stan could sense something was eating up at him. He placed a small kiss on to his forehead, a sense of bravery washing over him.

Kyle looked up again.

"What was that for?" He sounded surprised, but not upset. Stan shrugged his shoulders

"I don't know you seemed upset so I thought maybe that would help."

"Could you do it again?" He smiled causing Stan to laugh. Stan complied and gave him another kiss on the forehead though longer. Those petals in his stomach from before started whirling again as if an autumn breeze had embraced them.

Kyle started laughing "Now kiss me between the eyes!" His voice with thrilled with childlike excitement.

Stan leaned in and placed a gentle peck on the bridge of Kyle's nose who started giggling again.

"Lower!"

Stan grew nervous. He wasn't entirely sure what game they were playing, but a part of him enjoyed it. He kissed Kyle on the nose and soon after another excited exclaim he had gone lower. His blood froze as he had just now realised how close he was to Kyle's lips. He ever so gently kissed the space between his lip and nose and could feel his bottom lip just barely grazing against Kyle's top lip. He let out a shudder his body trembling ever so slightly. Was this it? Was it really it? Was this really happening?

He felt Kyle's own breath become shaky on his skin, the smell of weed and toothpaste lingering in the air.

"N-now kiss me lower." Kyle’s voice was hushed and sheepish, almost as if he himself was nervous. He wasn’t looking Stan in the eyes, but rather directed his gaze towards Stan’s lips giving him the same expression he had been parading around all night.

"Like...on the lips?" Stan let out a nervous laugh

"Yeah."

Stan stopped laughing. He's heart was racing fast again and he could feel it rising in to his throat. A moment of panic washed over him. This is exactly what he wanted, for so long now. But it's not quite how he imagined it would happen.

He swallowed dryly, looking down at Kyle's lips. Soft and pink and lightly parted almost as if it was waiting in anticipation. They _were_ waiting for him, but he's not sure if he had the courage to do it. So he waited. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but he waited.

_Do it_

But he couldn't

_This is what you wanted, remember?_

It was, it really was.

_Then just do it_

Fine.

He leaned down and ever so gently grazed Kyle's lips with his own. A shallow kiss, just a peck. This is what Kyle wanted. Though apparently needs outweighs the want as Kyle hungrily lean in to him, Deepening the kiss. He let out a small whimper as he was caught by surprise, but complied more than willingly closing his eyes as he leaned in to him as well. Stan's hands felt anxious, like it had to be occupied, but he was scared. Too scared to move. He slowly brought them towards Kyle's face, gently cupping it. Kyle smiled in to the kiss which relieved Stan to no end letting his fingers grip more comfortably around Kyle's sharp jawline.

Stan sighed in to the kiss. It was amazing. It's what he had always imagined it would be. Soft, but rough. Just like Kyle as a living person. It sent a chill up his spine as he felt that metaphorical flower from before blossoming in the pit of his stomach and made his way past his throat. Kyle tasted like something familiar. Not something he's tasted before, but what he would have imagined it would have tasted like.

He tasted like roses.

Kyle wrapped an arm around Stan’s hips sliding it under his jacket as he rubbed small, deliberate circles on Stan’s bare skin. Stan quivered and let out a breathy moan in to the kiss. The sheer touch Stan was craving for all these years was almost enough to push him to his limits.  

Kyle pulled away, his eyes fluttering open. Stan whined a little as he pulled away, desperately not wanting this to be over. Not so soon. They pressed their foreheads together breathing heavily. Kyle looked back in to Stan's eyes. It was as if he was searching for something. Stan tried telling him with his own eyes that it was him that he was looking for. He's right here.

Kyle just laughed

"That was..."

"Yeah?"

"Weird."

"Oh..." Stan felt his heart sank. That's not how he had experienced it.

"But good too! Amazing even! It's just...wow. Nothing I've ever experienced before."

Stan's mood chippered up as he started to smile. They took a moment to look in to each other’s eyes. Kyle’s hand was still under Stan’s shirt as he lightly traced his finger over Stan’s skin. He looked happy which made Stan swoon. Seeing that smile always sent him over the moon.

Stan stifled a yawn. The tired haze that hung over him suddenly hit him over the head. All of a sudden he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore and Kyle must have picked up on this as he cupped Stan's cheek.

"It’s pretty late, dude. We should go to bed.

Stan just nodded his head too exhausted to speak. They got up and made their way to the door not before Kyle grabbed him by the hand. He started to feel his legs shake and he wasn't sure if it was from the rush of the kiss, the high, the lack of sleep or the sudden exchange of hands. Maybe all of them.

They snuck back upstairs and in to Stan's room carefully stepping over the still sleeping boys. They threw off their jackets and shoes and climbed under the covers, Kyle holding the duvet open so Stan could climb in. They shifted so they were closer together, Kyle wrapping his arms around Stan once again. Stan didn't mind. At all. He nestled his face in to Kyle's neck who just laughs.

"What a wild night, huh?"

"Hmm" Was all Stan could get himself to say.

The high started to wear down and it wasn't long until both were rendered useless to the sweet embrace of sleep.

***

Stan was the first one to wake up that morning well between him and Kyle at least. He woke up to chitter in his bedroom as Cartman and Kenny sat on the floor crossed leg arguing about something or whatever.

"No way, fatass!"

"I'm telling you, Kenny! It's true!"

"You did not have sex with the _entire_ cheerleading team. I call bullshit."

Stan groaned. He felt tired and weak and wasn't in the mood for Cartman's grumbles. He turned back over to his little warm corner. Kyle's neck being the only thing he wants to feel and smell right now hoping the heat might at least ease his headache. He pulled the covers over them and crawled up in to a tighter ball against Kyle's chest savouring his scent. Honey. He doesn't remember the significance of this, but he remembers where it’s from. For Kyle's birthday he bought him a bath set of honey scented soap and creams knowing it’s one of Kyle's favourite smells. It felt good knowing he actually uses it.

His bliss was taken from him as Kyle started stirring beside him, groaning as he awakes. The chitter stopped.

"Oh look! The _fags_ finally decided to wake up after god knows how many years of sleeping."

"Shut up, Cartman." Kyle groaned from under the covers placing a hand over his head as he rolled over on to his back, Stan figured he must have a headache too. A mix between a stoner hangover and little sleep.

"Whatever. You two have fun fucking last night? Looks like you two really did a number on each other. You look like shit." Somehow Cartman has managed to become even crasser over the years. But everyone had learned to take it with a pinch of salt. Especially Kyle who has basically become a master of ignoring Cartman at this point.

Cartman was wrong. Stan studied Kyle's features perfectly and he thought he looked beautiful. His hair was messy and gruff, but at the same time resembled a fiery flower that had just bloomed. The sun caught the side of his jaw line just perfectly highlighting his most masculine feature.

Stan still felt the effects of what happened last night. His heart flutters when he thinks about how Kyle kissed him. He was expecting Kyle to turn to him any second now kissing him on the forehead and quietly whispering "good morning" so only he and Stan could hear almost as if it was a secret between the two of them. But he didn't. He just sat up and looked out the window. It made Stan's heart sink a little, but reassured himself it's probably because he didn't want to put up a show for Cartman or Kenny.

Kyle scowled at the bright light coming from the window and rubbed his eyes

"Jesus Christ what time of the morning is it."

"It’s actually two in the afternoon." Kenny said deadpan working on his phone growing bored of Cartman.

Kyle's eyes widened.

"Fucking-two? Oh Jesus why didn't anyone wake us?"

"You guys looked cute. Didn't want to wake you." Kenny peered over his shoulder at Kyle with a knowing smile.

Kyle furrowed his brow and looked down at his hands fidgeting. A sign Stan has learned that manifested from anxiety or troubling thoughts. Stan sat up hesitant. He placed a hand on Kyle's shoulder and could feel him tense up under his hand.

"You okay?"

Kyle looked back at him with a smile, but Stan could see the worry behind his eyes.

"Yeah I'm just tired, I guess. Yah know."

Stan nodded his head despite not fully understanding

"Anyway..." Cartman continued completely oblivious to what was going on "Stan's mom made lunch and I'm hungry so if you two are done having your moment we can go down stairs so I can fuel this fine oiled machine." Cartman held up his arms attempting to flex, but his ego soon dropped when Kenny burst in to fits of laughter "Yeah uh huh okay, Cartman whatever you say." He gets up and pats Cartman on the head who just huffs. He gets up too though and follows Kenny out the room. Kenny turns at the door looking at the two boys before asking

"You two coming?"

Kyle was about to open his mouth to speak, but Stan spoke over him

"Actually you guys go ahead so long. Kyle and I need to talk."

The colour drain from Kyle's face and he gave a look to Kenny that Stan can only describe as 'Please for the love of God and Moses and all that is Holy do not leave me her please'. Kenny gave them a skeptical look, squinting his eyes as suspicion grew clear on his face. Kenny was not stupid. He knew something was up and Stan just knew deep down in his heart that Kenny will grill him on it later. He just gave him a pleading look to not ask questions and to just leave. Kenny nods

"Alright then. Come one you fat lump of shit let's go chow!" He leaves the room shouting and slams the door deafening silence filling the room to a point where the sheer force of it could push Kyle clean off the bed.

He's been anticipating this conversation. Stan could see it in his features. He started biting his nails which made Stan cringe. Kyle was very holy over his nails and Stan knew this. He gingerly grabbed Kyle's hand and brought it down to his lap

"Dude don't chew your nails you're going to fuck them up."

Kyle didn't say anything. He just looked down at his lap.

"So" Stan started "Are we going to talk about what happened last night?"  

"Nothing happened last night."

Stan scowled "Kyle we both know that's utter bullshit."

"I was high, okay? You know I don't think when I'm high."

Stan fell silent. Thinking.

"So...it meant nothing to you?"

"No, dude! It was an experimental thing. Guy friends experiment all the time." He laughed nervously. He looked away and then turned around to look at Stan

"Why? Did-did it mean something to you?"

Stan bit the bottom of his lip looking Kyle in the eyes. Sudden flashes of last night terrorize his brain of how they would stare intently in to each other's eyes. But this wasn't the same. This was different. And it broke him

_Say yes_

"No, no. Of course not it was just an...experimental thing...like you said." He manage to force out a nervous laughter but it just evaporated in to the already thick air making tensions even thicker. He looked down at his lap playing with the material of his duvet that was still covering his legs.

Stan could feel Kyle's eyes glued on him, but he couldn't bring himself to look up. It hurt too much.

Kyle rubbed his hand through his hair and over his face closing his eyes tight. He twisted his body so that he was facing Stan.

"Look, Stan. If you want to talk about this we can. Because I'm not an idiot this obviously affected you a lot more than what you're letting on."

"Just stop, Kyle." Stan spat. His head hurts, his eyes were heavy and his heart was broken. Stan felt the venom bubble up inside his mouth "Stop acting like you care about me."

"I _do_ care about you, dude."

Stan scoffed "Oh, really? You do? Leading me on and then telling me it meant nothing to you? Yah sounds a lot like you care!" His voice started getting louder as the tension builds

"I wasn't leading you on, Stan!"

"Then why did you kiss me? Huh?"

"Because I was high Jesus Christ I told you this already!"

"No, Kyle! It's not a good enough excuse! I looked at you and-and you were looking at me and I saw..." Stan started to choke up "The way you looked at me I just...I thought you were being sincere." He felt his heart beating in the back of his throat "And then you held me afterwards and we...we woke up this morning in..." He started to trail off trying to swallow his sobs forcing them back down his already raw throat, but he failed as they came vomiting back up forcing its way past his lips. He hugged his legs close to his chest crying in to his knees. "Oh God, fuck."

"Stan..." Kyle reached out to touch him, but Stan pulled away

"Fuck off! Just leave. You've done enough damage."

Kyle looked at him, wanting to say something. But he quickly closed his mouth looking away. He silently slid off the bed reaching for his coat and shoes. Once he was fully dressed he made his way to the door. He stopped and turn to look at Stan again

"You know I really do care about you. A lot. I didn't mean to hurt you I just-"

"I don't want to fucking hear it."

Kyle looked to the floor

"Okay."

And with that he left.

Stan watched as the door closed slowly. He hugged himself close trying to bite back another set of tears, but failed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Flovin for being my beloved Beta Reader. Love you to bits girl stay beautiful!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! This might be somewhat of a long fic I still got some stuff I'm working out. But I really do hope you enjoy it!


End file.
